I Decide….

 I just couldn’t take the routine of waking up, praying and crying at the same time anymore, because I didn’t understand what was going on. I finally had enough and asked God to simply allow my pain to be productive. I didn’t understand the meaning of this when I said it out loud. 

Then I found one of my bible plan on the floor and ‘Deuteronomy 13:15’ appeared. I thought to myself ‘here we go’. So I opened the scripture and it says ‘You must attack that town and completely destroy all its inhabitants, as well as all the livestock’. You see sometimes I feel like God has got jokes! I knew exactly what that scripture meant and I was so desperate to do all those things, but just because I was willing didn’t necessarily mean it would be easy or I was ready. Let me break it down

The town that needs to be attacked is the darkest part of me, I will admit it when all you know is pain and hurt, parts of you begin to turn dark. It is not enough to ask God to clear it out without you also making the effort. The town is a new space I have created inside of me that is filled with anger, bitterness, you name it, and it’s probably all in there. The Holy Spirit ministered to me that in this time of attack, I must attack the dark town with love, light, prayer, peace, and self-acceptance. I cannot attack darkness with more darkness.

The Inhabitants – the inhabitants are those who live in that occupied town, and I know just who they are, the angry friend, the I told you so friend, the not so nice friend, those who hurt you including myself. It was always easier to hold unto the pain than to let the pain play its cause and let it go. I felt like if I allowed the inhabitants to stay in, it meant that I was still in control. But God doesn’t want that for me or you, he sees how much my pain is wrecking me and pulling me in a direction, he didn’t plan for me. I am learning to thank God for the inhabitants because they have showed me what i don't need which has allowed me to recognise true self and character

I’m the kind of person that feels, as though an apology should be given or received before everything and anything seemed real. However, I have learnt that, that attitude is the one thing that will continue to hold you back from where God wants to take you. When you hold on painful or negative energy, it will continue to drain you because you are demanding too much from a situation whereby, you have no control over.

 In fact it showed me that i was allowing my ego to dictate to me, and I really didn’t want this anymore. All I desire is to keep running, running to God because no matter how my attitude keeps me from him? God keeps pulling me closer, though the way he does it may be uncomfortable but he never forces.

It’s easier to be upset at your situation especially when you know, you gave the best of the best but you feel as though nothing good came out of it. But I am here to let you know that you are wrong, something good came out of that, Growth came out of it, protection from God came out of that, Healing came out of that. We may never understand his ways but one thing that we should be comforted by is that, he loves us and wants to fill every single void in us with what he is about and who he is. You may not see it now, but it will reveal itself, and sometimes the growth, protection and healing are not for you but for others. Sometimes the strong must bear the infirmity for the weak.

I no longer ask God to take my pain away because pain takes you to a position where you are able to identify your purpose, I simply ask for strength during my process. I realised I couldn’t attract growth if all I was looking for, was the easy way out or comfort. God uses us how he wants, sometimes we are to be broken to be used, and other times we are to be strong to be used. Either way God has the final say.

We have to see ourselves as vessels of the most high, and with that been said, we cannot be used if we are so filled with anger or bitterness, envy from things that have taken so much from us. We are precious to God, so we need to continue to remind ourselves, of who we are to him.

I don’t know where I am going, or where he is taking me, still I will follow because I refuse to go back.

Shalom 

Healing

Growth happens when you are prepared to learn from a bad experience regardless of how you feel about it. I have learnt that you cannot be afraid of the process, the pain. You have to allow God to use your pain to renew you, meaning you are in total surrender of his will for you at that moment and you let go and let God. 

it is easier to run back to the pain because it is easier than feeling the pain itself, but you couldn't be more wrong. If you keep running back? you will never see what the future holds, or the lesson is about to bless you with. It takes trusting in our heavenly father and having faith in what he is doing. 

STEP 1 - If your experience is not giving you what you rightfully believe you deserve? PRAY & Let God. what this means is you accept your situation, without trying to help God in turning your situation around. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB

STEP 2 - BE FIRM IN YOUR IDENTITY - Know who you are, if you know yourself? no one can tag you in a team you clearly do not belong to. The scriptures state that :"You are the light of the world- like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden". We all know the purpose of light in the darkness. When you find your identity in christ ? all there is for you is to let your light shine. 
Do not let the opinions of others diminish that because, in the long run, you will find out that their opinion really has nothing to do with you or your purpose on earth. And while you're firm in your identity? it is not your duty in telling people about who or what you are. Light speaks for itself in darkness. 

STEP 3- Guard your heart - When you don't guard your heart? you don't know your worth because you allow anything into your heart, you allow people to bring you out of your character. 

STEP 4- EMBRACE THE PAIN - I know this sounds crazy, but this is the only way that can quicken the process, accept your situation for what it is. If someone hurts you? and never apologise? so be it, leave it to God. Your job is not to convince anyway about what they have put you through. your healing is about YOU. 

STEP 5- DO NOT COMPARE - Do not compare yourself to another sister or brother, you do not have to belittle yourself because of what you are going through. You need to allow the word of God to build your confidence, You need to remember that you are loved and valued, and bought at a price. So allowing others including yourself to speak negativity into your life? is not permitted, neither is it God's plan for you. 

Shalom 

Total Surrender

Before my walk with God, I can honestly admit that I never thought about his love towards me, I was too busy filling my empty void with pointless and empty relationships just to fill my empty void. When things did not go as I wanted, I would start torturing myself saying God does not love me and not happy with me. I would cry and nag and nag asking him ‘WHY?’ people told me you loved me so why did you let this happen? You can clearly see where I went wrong, why should anyone have to tell me my heavenly father loves me?

One day, the Holy Spirit convicted my heart and explained to me that I was trying to find happiness in empty things and I cannot discover my happiness until I am in the right relationship with God. I was truly confused because I thought my heart was with God all along, however the mistake I made, just like anyone was loving God when things went my way, and when they stopped going the way I wanted? I would come off the ‘His radar’.

I realised I was still empty even trying to do things myself, I desperately disliked the emptiness I felt, so I got on my knees and asked for forgiveness. Through this experience, I learnt that the only way you can fill a void is by giving it to the one who created you and created that void also.

Giving yourself to God means giving everything to God, it means being content with everything the lord is allowing us to go through without resentment because you will find that the void will become bigger. I am a runner, I run from everything that does not make sense to me, but it eventually reached a stage where I had to question my destination. Where am I running to? (Psalm 139:41).

Trusting God in our situations does not mean he will tell us what we want to hear and we cannot fight God with our emotions, as he does not respond to our ‘nagging emotions’. This does not mean that God does not love us, what this mean is that he is not satisfied with nor will he accept our fleshly behaviour. Not our will but ‘thy will be done’.

Shalom

Kneel before speech

Hi everyone

Unfortunately I won't be able to post as much due to my busy schedule but I will try my best to pop on as much as I can.

In other news, I have learnt a valuable lesson this week that I believe will stick to me until the end of time.

"KNEEL BEFORE SPEECH" . The simplest way for me to interpret this is, if you are about to make a decision while your emotions are fluctuating, Please take a step back from your so called BIG picture and get on your knees and speak to your heavenly father before making any permanent decision.

As females or even human being, we tend to think we know what we are doing when our emotions are all over the place, its like having the same plaster for about weeks on the same wound, if you do not pay attention the wound, how will you know if it's healing or not?. We tend to not pay attention to the lesson and how much our emotions is taking over our situation and once the damage is done, its like the plaster has not been taken off and you can see the big mess at the bottom.

However once a mistake is made, God is all loving and forgiving, Kneel before God but without complaints. Its an insult to complaint at God as it is an act of unbelief towards him.  Accept your doings as this will bring you true peace.

Acknowledge your wrongs and ask God to fix it, but also you must check yourself. Checking yourself starts with a change in your behaviour, and this begins with a change in the heart.

Shalom
G

V.O.T.D

V.O.T.D - Voice Of The Day















Holding on to the hurt will only harm you, it's a decision you have to make! So go ahead exhale, and release forgiveness (Mathew 6:12-15)



I pray this blesses your spirit as much as it has blessed mine.



shalom 

Grace

God exalts

                        Man will pop your bubble but God exalts and demotes (John 14:23)

Growing with God

 
Firstly I am going to highlight the story of Joseph, for those who are not very familiar with this story: CHECK: Genesis 37

One thing I have learnt from his story is that, He didn't fight the process but there was a lesson in every step and he was humble throughout. It was painful for him but the most important thing that was sufficient for him was in trust an faith in God. 

I have learnt to handle every moment of my life with prayers because my life is fragile without God. I spend my time chit-chatting with my heavenly father and honestly I CAN explain the experience, it is PEACEFUL and REASSURING! 

How? You may ask? (Hebrew 11:1) 

Learning to depend on God means not running to people and having a pity party about yourself! 

Their advice will not fill that void. The advice may work for that day but the next day what will you do? Run back to them again for advice? You need to LEARN to GROW by yourself and begin to love yourself in the process! 

The arms that holds the universe is holding you, how can you honestly not be at peace with that??

You are a heir to the throne of the most high(GET TO KNOW YOURSELF through Christ) Pour your heart out to God because he knows everything you're going through, he is the only one that can listen to us without getting tired and understands us 100%! 

It's funny a lot of us have that 1 friend whom we tell anything but here's a question - half of the things you tell this person, do you even tell God? Then when problem occur we say "oh God why didn't you show me this would happen?! News flash did you inform him when you made that particular decision? If you have a relationship with someone, you have to understand communication works both ways that's the same with God! You have to ask first, then he will instruct you. You can't do it, then ask him why he allowed that to happen. The BIG question is WHY didn't you tell him at first?

Shalom 

Grace