Before my walk with God, I can honestly admit that I never thought about his love towards me, I was too busy filling my empty void with pointless and empty relationships just to fill my empty void. When things did not go as I wanted, I would start torturing myself saying God does not love me and not happy with me. I would cry and nag and nag asking him ‘WHY?’ people told me you loved me so why did you let this happen? You can clearly see where I went wrong, why should anyone have to tell me my heavenly father loves me?
One day, the Holy Spirit convicted my heart and explained to me that I was trying to find happiness in empty things and I cannot discover my happiness until I am in the right relationship with God. I was truly confused because I thought my heart was with God all along, however the mistake I made, just like anyone was loving God when things went my way, and when they stopped going the way I wanted? I would come off the ‘His radar’.
I realised I was still empty even trying to do things myself, I desperately disliked the emptiness I felt, so I got on my knees and asked for forgiveness. Through this experience, I learnt that the only way you can fill a void is by giving it to the one who created you and created that void also.
Giving yourself to God means giving everything to God, it means being content with everything the lord is allowing us to go through without resentment because you will find that the void will become bigger. I am a runner, I run from everything that does not make sense to me, but it eventually reached a stage where I had to question my destination. Where am I running to? (Psalm 139:41).
Trusting God in our situations does not mean he will tell us what we want to hear and we cannot fight God with our emotions, as he does not respond to our ‘nagging emotions’. This does not mean that God does not love us, what this mean is that he is not satisfied with nor will he accept our fleshly behaviour. Not our will but ‘thy will be done’.
Shalom
